The Applebody Tree. (Mum Just Stared At Me)

The Loo-Kout.  (Lookout From My Loo)   

I went to play in my new house yesterday.  (See view from my toilet window!)  My parents were with me and we tinkered about quite happily for a whole afternoon.  I opened up the wooden shutters and let the sunlight stream in through all the rooms.  I left the windows nice and wide so we could make the most of the autumn air ~ and it was glorious!

We bodged up all the holes and cracks in the bedroom and living room walls with this miracle cream called 'Hard As Nails' from The Englandshires that I silently accused of being some kind of Viagra in disguise, and my mum, bless her, took me a pair of pink marigold gloves which I refused to wear.  I was in my element!  I was kind of hoping I'd get messy and I did.  My jeans were covered in dust from kneeling on the floor and I looked like a billion year old woman by the time we'd finished work.

We went out into the back garden for a while and I picked apples from one of the trees.  The grass is absolutely strewn with them and they're perfectly nice enough to eat now.  A couple of weeks back they were only fit for pies with lots of sugar in them.  Mmmm... pies with lots of sugar.  Anyway, I filled  up a bag with them for my mum  whilst attempting to convince her that the tree roots must be fueled by dead bodies because I couldn't think of any better reason for such an abundance!  Mum just stared.

There's a wooden garage out there too!  It's big old doors creaked like crazy when I pulled them back to look inside.  There's pretty ivy growing up the walls & I can imagine using it as a place to string up multicoloured fairy lights and entertain people on summer evenings, whilst feeding them pies from The Applebody Tree.  And they wont mind because they wont know!

I also had a crafty climb up the loft ladder in the tiny hallway between the kids bedrooms and the upstairs living room at the top of the windy wooden staircase from the kitchen underneath.  My mum watched my back for me in case I toppled off and killed myself - which I didn't.  

It was dark in the attic.  But at the very least I could make out some cobwebs; which was enough to convince me there were secrets and hidden bodies up there too.  I told my mum of my findings.  I also told her I'd be growing cannabis up there.  Mum just stared.

And then, once I'd closed all the doors and shutters and windows upstairs, we swept our way back down the windy wooden staircase into the kitchen again, where I found a rather substantial and potentially worrying water leak spreading its way across the tiles.  I put that down to bodies, clogging up the pipes.  

"I think I'm going to like it here" I said.  Mum . . . just stared.  

And well, I guess that's enough for now.  But maybe tune in some other time, if you can be arsed.  You haven't met my neighbours yet.  

*Grins*  I have!  

LE x